An Iranian week

September 21, 2006 at 3:42 pm (Double espresso)

This week, Iran’s “humble” President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad became the first Iranian spaced-out tourist. In a visit to the United States, he repeated his claim that the Palestinians did not perpetrate the Holocaust, and that Israel should in fact be occupying Germany. His speech to the United Nations general assembly was met my rapturous applause – by the president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. Chavez also made a speech, while wielding a copy of Noam Chomsky’s latest book, America Poo. He in turn was met by rapturous applause – by President Ahmadinejad.

George Bush took to the podium and addressed the people of Iran directly: “Do you find you’re suffering oppression at the hands of your leaders? You need US aggression. Research suggests US imperialism leads to weight-loss. You will feel thinner and more confident – all with no exercise. We will cut off your essential supplies from the comfort of your living room and bomb your neigbourhood. All you have to do is Sit ‘n’ Weight. Call 1-800-desertcoon toll-free and lose weight today.”

Meanwhile, the radically thin Iranian dissident Akbar Ganja has written a letter to America the Washington Post: “Dear fellow Americans, please vote for me in the next Iranian election. I believe in democracy, freedom, and lots of other lovely words. And I need your help. The men who run Iran are naughty, naughty men. Gender apartheid must be limited to lavatories. Freedom for Palestine – vote Ganja.”

In outer space, the weightless Anousheh Ansari, has been updating her blog: “Mahatma Gandhi, that famous Indian cosmonaut, said, the best way to help the ‘untouchables’ is to go to the US, become super-rich and demonstrate the best way to spend $25 million. I hope that all the untouchables in Iran will be inspired by my feat. Up in space we have to clean our own latrines. It’s very humbling.”


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